Sunday, August 15, 2010

Emotional Struggles of a Barren Woman

I'm feeling a little down today and struggling a lot with not getting pregnant. It's so easy when you are a barren woman deeply longing for children of her own to think everything in terms of the struggle you're going through. I'm sure it's like this with any struggle. Any prophecy, scripture, or word that is preached is quickly applied to my life in the context of my struggle with getting pregnant.

Today Rob preached his 11th sermon on God's Scandalous Grace. In small summary, it was about how God's grace abounds in our trials and struggles through life. He talked about how each of our trials look different and God takes us each through unique experiences and struggles. God uses these trails to sanctify us and mold to be like Christ. God puts each and every single one of us on a different path, therefore His sanctification process looks different for each of us.

I feel a lot of times like there is something I'm doing or have done in the past that is keeping me from getting pregnant. Like there is a sin I have committed and I'm being punished for that sin. I know this is very wrong and not at all how God views me. I know He loves me and has forgiven my sins from the past, present, and future. It's just this huge emotional cycle I been going through since we began struggling to get pregnant. Especially since, for some reason only know by Him, God has put us in a place to be surrounded by women who are constantly getting pregnant. Literally almost every woman I meet, and especially those I become friends with, ends up pregnant a few months later. Coralie said something so amazingly encouraging to me when I asked her for her advice and insight before we started our testing process:

"I just spent an hour typing out technical stuff and getting you some links that I hope are helpful, but I want to start with this: Remember John 1:3 - this is happening so that the works of God may be displayed in your life. That might mean a miraculous event, like in the first chapter of John, or it could mean that others will see the two of you grow daily in sanctification because of this. You're not being punished. Christ has born ALL the earned suffering for us. You're not broken. God is sovereign and he sovereignly wrote this path as a part of the days of your life. You are as He intends you to be. Finally, He has written an end to this suffering. We don't know when that end is, but the Lord does. This is but a season and it will pass."

It is SO easy to believe Satan's lies when I am so emotional all the time. Believing that there is something wrong with me, I've done something wrong, or that I must be being punished for something. But I must fight all of those lies with God's truth and the promises that He has given me in His word. Brice encourages me with this often as well, that God is sanctifying me through this process in amazing ways that I can't even imagine. He's sanctifying me in ways that he's not sanctifying others, and He has a purpose for all of this. He has a purpose and plan for our lives, and as Coralie said, this is but a season and it will pass.

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